Nwa Bekee had a good laugh. I…I…..
I think I will want to keep my image of “the good Christian” and not repeat her words verbatim.
But the laugh was good for her because it kinda reminded her of the good points in her marriage.
“How long have you been married?”, I asked when she was done laughing at me.
“4/5…thereabout” she shrugged.
I did a quick calculation….. Which means Chubby must have been like 25/6**.
Hmmn. No comments.
“Apart from being good at the “midnight snake dance”…. Do you love him?, I asked starring boldly at her.
(“Father, I have guts shaaa!”)
“Wow! Are snake dances only at midnight?, she laughed at me again, ….”I L-o-v-e snake dancing….. Any day, anywhere”, she drawled, wriggling her waist and doing the twists for me.
I wanted to flog her.
I believe she was enjoying my maybe prudish approach to the topic.
I hit ignore!
She starred into space for a while, seeming to do a deeper search of her emotions.
“I am not exactly sure about love dear, but whatever the reasons, I was clear enough about it”, she said at last.
One thing was very evident with Nwa Bekee, she is very sincere in her statements. And I loved her for that.
“Often times in your life a door just swings open, for good or for bad, you simply make a choice to or not to walk through that door….. For me, it opened and I walked through..”
Waoh! That is deep. I listened.
“Please explain”, I moved closer.
“In my life, all manner of doors have opened, the good, the bad and the ugly. I walked through all. Each door leading to another, an unending stream of choices. Each choice leading to another until your present reality. So the key question is not why you made the choices you had made, the deciding factor is your next choice”.
“Will you walk through the next door or not?”
“Father Lord!” This woman is a package of surprises.
We were quiet for a while.
“Do you have regrets?”, I asked quietly
“On the choices I have made?…..Well, regret is a proof that you knew the right answer before you made the wrong choice”
“But if the choice before you was your only available option at the moment, there is no room for regrets”
“One thing you must know though…..she continued thoughtfully, there is never an “only option”, life always will give you 2 options.
“I don’t understand”, I said,
Was she deliberately confusing me?
“But you just said only available option?”
“Yes, an option becomes….”Only available” if it is…..not appears to be….your path of least resistance”.
Philosophy 101! Father Lord!
“Which brings me back to the question…Was marrying him your path of least resistance?”
“What do you think?”
“Ok…..I think that that would be a Yes for him, but not for you, so why was it a Yes for you?…why did you walk down that door?
………I don’t believe its “the Snake Dance”.
Every time I mention snake dance, she will do the twist.
Great sense of humor!
“Were you in love with your husband before you married him?” She asked me.
Absolutely! I said.
“Good for you, I believe he is a great guy, I have watched your vibes about him…..she nodded.
“The truth for Chubby and I is that emotions have grown between what was a clear path…
Do you understand?
I shook my head.
You can’t live with someone for years and not have tangles of emotions….. Good or bad. It was OK in Croatia, but now coming here….things have changed”
“Tell me, what were your thoughts when you saw us together?”
I almost choked. I dare not say it!
“I see it in every body’s look, the age thing is a big thing here right? Some people were not very diplomatic about it especially his family”
“I’m sorry…. I said.
She shook her head and smiled.
It was a culture shock, being away for long, he too was not in touch with his reality.
I could see the sadness set in again and I felt very sorry for her.
I wanted to flog Chubby. Not in touch with his reality my foot!
Its his duty to protect his wife against family and friends…. Country, culture and people……Age or not.
The situation was clear, their coming back was to regularise his papers over there. And give him an opportunity to see his family again.
But our tactless prejudices as a people have been causing this good woman pain.
Father, I sincerely apologize for every judgment I have unwittingly passed on people.
I am sorry. I have been well taught today, choices, doors and judgment.
People make choices based on the options before them, and if I am not a part of that option, I have no right to judge the choices.
Thank You for the lessons. And I promise to keep in touch with Nwa Bekee….. By the way, she has a lovely name…Veliyana.
God bless Veliyana and Chubby.
This is Your daughter and I am checking in.