She sat silently. She’s been silent a lot.
“32 and my life is already over”, she said quietly. I almost didn’t hear her
“Don’t say things like that”, I chided, “Your life is just beginning”
She smiled. It was obvious she didn’t believe me.
“In the past years I have been to hospitals more than I have been to market…..
I eyed her sternly. She ignored me.
“My best friend is not even married, but here I am, no job, 5 kids…barely a year between each, failed relationship, heading for divorce without a clue of what to do with my life”
“Stop right there young lady”, I hissed, “you must not allow yourself to think like that”.
She was silent again for a while. But the thoughts assailed her and she couldn’t hold back.
“Broda Okey will probably kill him, then go to jail for murder. I will be a widow whose brother murdered the husband. His family will hate me, my children will grow up to hate me and my family. See my life”, the tears creped down unchecked.
“That’s the lie of the devil. Nothing close to that movie will happen”, maybe in African magic shaa”, I winked. I was desperate to bring humour into this. I didn’t like her thoughts process at all.
“He said I am poison. That everything I touch is destroyed. That I am his bad luck”, she said absently.
“So how come he has refused to collect back the bride price? Think about it? Why is he holding on to poison? No one insists to be with bad luck… But he is almost desperate in his moves to have you back…….Why?
We were going for the appointment. After much persuasion Rachelle had agreed to seek help and we got the appointment.
My greatest worry Lord was what the Tiger did to her mind..
The Counselor was an absolute joy of a woman. She took us in and showed us around. There were 2 doctors, a male and female.
The small place was packed with women. We had walked into a small seminar I thought. I was a bit taken aback but then she made a strange comment.
Then it hit me.
All these women, all, were on appointment!
Women in different shades and sizes. I stared at one totally beautiful, highly classic lady. She too?
Who will abuse just a divine specimen of a woman?
We must really have more tigers than men in this country.
I made a mental note to hug my Adam once I get home. People like us really take love for granted.
Thank You Lord, Thank You for my Adam.
Rachelle was full of nerves, you could tell that she’d rather be anywhere but there.
The counselor smiled at her. She was always smiling.
It’s okay, you will be fine.
“It’s all my fault”, was Rachelle’s opening sentence.
The woman turned and looked her straight in the eyes. There was a sternness and softness that was definite on her face.
” It’s not your fault Rachelle. “No matter what it is, human beings are NOT meant to be beaten”
.”Child or Adult, that is absolutely not acceptable to humanity”.
I moved back a little and turn my face away……Guilty or not guilty Lord?
The session was absolute “Rhema” for me!
The key to humanity is “Self-worth” and
Abusers make it a point to strip the victim of their self-esteem and/or Self-worth. The victim then believes they deserve the beatings, and that they are worthless. The abuses then….whether emotional or physical are termed “corrections”.
They start by ordering you around like a child, and like an obedient lamb you comply. Or they shout at you at their whim, and in obedience again you apologise and comply.
Then they graduate to slapping you around if you dared to respond or argue your innocence or point of view and value.
I made a mental note “Never to shout at my children, or order them around” ever again. Even as children, they deserve to be treated with respect….and their point of view must be heard and respected.
Rachelle wept throughout the session, I did a bit of soul searching too.
Harsh words, cynicism, beatings, shouts…..are all forms of abuse….Hmmn!
If we really access ourselves based on the facts on the table, we are a bit of a “Tiger”……..I sometimes do not spare the rod!
The talks were healing.
I saw a new look on Rachelle’s face. It was that same look she had when she told me she was going to be “a banker or die trying”
She was silent all the way back, and I let her be. I had some demons to slay too.
She had 3 more sessions and I got a call from her.
Immediately I walked into the room I knew why I was called in.
I was meant to help prevent Okey from strangling anyone.
My Lord, I live the weird assignments You give me.
Rachelle had called big brother and made clear statements.
Never seen her so bold and outspoken.
The baby eagle was finally ready to fly.
She didn’t want a divorce or the return of the bride price, she wanted a separation for now.
She would neither live with Okey nor live in the country, she will be travelling out with all her children.
She will go back to school and she will continue to pursue her dream.
Okey is meant to be the sponsor for the outlined program.
Surprisingly, Okey agreed to everything except the 1st.
To accept the conditions, Okey insisted he must return the bride price to the Tiger and end the marriage once and for all.
By the way Lord, Tiger’s only words are…..
“I love my wife, and I want my family back”
May I or anyone I know never be “loved” by a Tiger.
I rest my case.
This is Your daughter and I am really checking in.