Dear God,

I sat quietly at the end of the pew, the preacher man’s voice washed over me.  His voice was deep and passionate, there was a sense of urgency as he took my heart to task. “If God was looking into your heart now, what will He see”, his voice boomed into my subconscious. I stared at him, then at my heart, and stared up to You, Lord. Were You looking? I had an uncanny urge to cover my heart. When You look, what do You see? The naughties, and baddies and uglies? The disobedience, the rebellion and the outright terrorism in my heart? The unfaithfulness, the unforgivables, the prides of life, my shortcuts and long hauls? The ungratefulness, the unnecessary wants, and shallow, inconsistencies in my love for You? Do You see all of that? Did You see that before You gave up Your Son on the crossed tree? Was His death worth it? Was I really worth that depth of sacrifice?

OK, since You are smiling, I’d like to ask? After His death, Do You still look? Like into our hearts? Aoch! I know, it must hurt so much to give all of that and nothing changed. We are still who we are, still with the identity struggles, Yes? The preacher man said that You see the uglies no more, that when You look You see the cross, that’s true? I struggle with that but that’s a topic for another day.

Today I just want to take a few minutes to tell You how grateful I am for that Tree-sacrifice. For that act of substitution. I was meant to be there, but You made Your son take my place. My God, please Thank You. I can’t stop You from looking into my heart, and I won’t promise that You won’t see the naughties there again but I will deeply commit to one thing, You will always find gratitude there. I will ever, eternally be grateful for that cross. I will attempt to Love You like that act of sacrifice, I will always acknowledge the Peace, the Joy and the Freedom Your Son brought into my life by that single act. Thank You. I love You too, and yes, it’s inconsistent, but it’s deep. By the way Lord, I like that preacher man, please keep an eye on his anointing and its flow.

This is Your daughter and I am checking in.


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