Adebola Alabi
Insecurity is a feeling of inadequacy.
I’m not smart enough
I don’t look pretty or handsome enough
I’m not as intelligent enough
I’m too tall, too short, too young, too old, too fat, too thin.
If only I have a certain skin color.
If only my accent is like the other guy.
If only I look or talk like them.
I’m just so inadequate.
Are you? Really?
Our heavenly God created all of us – wonderfully, fearfully, and beautifully. We are unique in our own ways.
While it is true that everyone deals with insecurity on some level, most successful people know how to overcome their sense of insecurity. Insecurity is something we may experience in some aspects of our lives; even the most confident person in the room may feel insecure about something.
If you don’t promptly and adequately address the source of the insecurity, it can have a big impact on your day-to-day life. It can affect your self-confidence and self-esteem.
The good news is insecurities are not set in stone; you can overcome them, no matter how big or small they are.
Here are 10 ideas to help you overcome insecurity and build your self-confidence.
- Accept the truth: Insecurity is a feeling, not your true state. It arises when you compare yourself with other people – how they look, talk, walk or live. Here is the truth, you are wonderfully and fearfully made by God. You are a unique individual. You are not fake, not a clone or a version of another person; you are not deficient. You are just different. So embrace your uniqueness. We lose our sense of identity when we compare ourselves with others because even though you are obviously better than some people, you will soon find out that others are better than you in some aspects of life. Don’t compare. Be yourself, and love you for who you are.
- Identify the source of insecurity & establish the truth. So what’s making you feel insecure? Is it your look? The fact is, you are created by God, and his work is perfect. Is it the way you dress? As long as you wear clean clothes and don’t look shabby, you are good. Is it performance-related? Are you doing your best? If not, you need to step up. You need to pinpoint the exact source and cause of your insecurity and identify what you need to do to fix it.
- Be your own BFF: It is possible that you are in the midst of people who are not giving you the light of the day. You are not getting any commendations or praises from them. You should be your own advocate and promoter by re-affirming yourself. Tell yourself you are smart, hardworking, courageous, beautiful, qualified, amazing, awesome. If you have no one saying those uplifting words to you, then say them to yourself.
- Cut out the people who make you feel insecure: You should know those who constantly bring you down. It’s time to distance yourself from them. Too much negativities will only hurt you more and make your insecurity feeling persists. Avoid those that make you feel inferior and those who won’t accept you just the way you are.
- Spend time with people who love you: There are people in your life who genuinely love you and want what’s best for you. They support you, promote you, cheer you on, and look out for what’s best for you. They make you feel comfortable in your own skin. Surrounding yourself with more of these people will help boost your self-confidence.
- Make a plan to hang out more with positive people: The whole world has not seen your potential yet, but this specific group of people believes in you. They can see the potential. They are the ones telling you that you are capable, that you can do it. They know you, and they know where you can get to in life, even though you are not there yet. Their words will go a long way to keep you motivated as you continue on your journey.
- Focus on the good: We can easily feel insecure when we put too much attention to our failures and shortcomings. We judge ourselves too harshly when we miss the mark. To overcome the feeling of insecurity from your failures, you need to celebrate your successes and talk yourself up when you’ve achieved anything- big or small. Being proud of what you do, what you’ve done, can have a powerful effect on your self-esteem.
- Develop an improvement plan: This is hard but necessary. Is there something you’ve been doing that contributed to the feeling of insecurity? If you are always late to work, change. If you overeat and enjoy all those sugary substances, that led to your excessive weight. Change. If anything, you are doing contributes to making you feel less of yourself, you should try your best to correct them.
- Change your negative thoughts: As a man thinks in his heart, so is he. There are some negative thoughts that you may have cultivated about yourself that are now rooted within your mind. Those words have made you lose confidence in yourself. You need to end those negative thoughts and start planting positive and uplifting thoughts about yourself.
- It’s a baby step: The feeling of insecurity did not happen in just one day; it developed due to a series of events in your life. There is no magic switch to turn it off. It takes time. You should understand that you will overcome it through daily lifestyle changes and making different choices. Overcoming insecurity is a journey, and it doesn’t happen overnight. It’s about incremental progress. It is one step at a time. The small baby steps you are taking now will eventually help you overcome the insecurity.
Insecurity is a feeling. You can overcome the feeling by practicing self-care and accepting the truth that you are not a deficient being. We all have our uniqueness, strengths, and weaknesses. Even Siamese twins are not exactly alike. Focus on your areas of strengths, celebrate your uniqueness, and work to improve on those areas of weaknesses.
