Dear God,


We were silent for a while..

“How old is “what’s her name?”

She gave me the looks

I ignored.

“Loren is old enough”, she said

Classic,  pregnant for Daven, in love with Loren. Nollywood couldn’t do better!

“Yeah, I bet she’s twice married and thrice divorced….that’s old enough”, I retorted

“You are so full of hate Aunty”, she said.

I am probably going to beat this girl up before we are done.

“Listen Sonye,  I don’t care what the times say…this is so so wrong….and…

“You mean “Sinful”?”

“If it’s wrong before God….and man then Yes, it’s sinful”

“Especially for this “she set-up”. You know my thoughts?, “The SHE” is using you. She’s been there, done it and seen it, and now wants to settle it with you…that’s So peak”. I couldn’t help showing my disgust.

And You know what? Tell “SHE”, I continued carelessly

“LOREN”, she cut in coldly

“Whatever”, I shot back. “If she wants to raise a baby with you, then she should make some sacrifices….go get herself transgendered……that’s modern enough Yes?  Pack in a load of sperm, and shoot your tommy full of babies…..she ain’t keeping another man’s seed!.

“What a hypocrite!, I hissed, she wants what a man can give but she doesn’t want to be with a man!, I finished very upset now.

“You are the hypocrite Aunty, she shouted angrily at me……Your words drip with honey but your heart is full of hate. Well done self-righteous Judge! But didn’t your bible tell you not to judge so you won’t be judged? You’ve already sentenced someone you’ve never met…..what makes you think I am the victim here? What if am the one that lured her into this? Have you heard her story? What gives you the right to judge what you are ignorant of?

And oh! by the way, if you are without Sin, haul the first stone”, she hissed at me and stood up abruptly.

“And where do you think you are going?”, I demanded

“To get some fresh air, this room is full of sin” she exclaimed as she stumped out.

Father Lord, I need help. Please help me,  I cried silently.

“Calm down”, my heart whispered, “stay down”.

I held my head in my hands……my heart was pounding….what to do? Lord what to do? I have allowed angry control my thoughts and now I have her.

“Are you okay?”, her voice said from the door after a while.

I looked up, nodded and smiled.

She walked back in.

“Aunty, I am sorry, I was rude to you. Really…… just that……

“Sssssh, Don’t worry about it, I guess I was out of line too. You are right, I have no right to judge what I am ignorant of……I smiled.

“I am sorry….

I nodded.

“I am sorry too about Loren, I honestly don’t hate her, it’s “the set-up” I am skewed about.

She nodded.

I looked at her and her eyes were gleam up with tears.

Oh God! What a fool I have been. This troubled girl came to me for help and all I have done is nail her to the cross. I have  become her accuser instead of her help. Oh Lord.

“Sonye please listen, I  said with clear honesty……I am truly truly sorry about my attitude in all of this. I was wrong. This is Your life and it’s your call. You can call “dips” (according to my children) on any aspect of your life”.

“However, God thought it wise to create this world as an ecosystem. Which means that your life and any dips you call on it must directly or indirectly affect others.

That’s why the good book says that Yes, you are free to eat anything,  however if eating meat will offend your sister or make your neighbor fall out of Faith….maybe you should leave the meat alone……Yes?

She nodded,  listening carefully now.

I  was encouraged.

“All I am asking you to do is think about the child you are carrying. What will be the best option for his/her life? Whatever choice you make with this set up, will set the pace for his or her future”

She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. A tiny tear escaped.

“When your parents made the call on their divorce,  they didn’t stop to think of it’s impact on you and your sibling. Do not repeat the history”.

I felt manipulative but right now I was desperate to have her think. All she needs is to think, and her intelligence will take control.

“What if it doesn’t work out between Daven and I?  What if the marriage fails?…….I didn’t seem to have kept any relationship with a man for a long time…..she said solemnly.

I almost jumped for joy, her thought process was shifting towards Daven which was a very good sign.

“Sonye, marriage is a commitment. Simple. Any other thing outside that one word is icing on the cake, not the real deal”.

“Listen my love, I pleaded, I love my own husband absolutely and the chemistry still sparks, but trust me on this, I could easily love him if he was a horse, a cat or a dog…..

She laughed.

“What I’m saying in effect is that the strength of what we have is anchored on the commitment we made to God, to ourselves and to others…….the ecosystem. That is the tie, that is the marriage. That is what helps us live together, sleep together, raise the children together and tolerate each other’s excesses”.

I could see that I had her. She was so intent.

“Sweetheart, do you seriously think that we don’t have problems? That I haven’t thought of divorce? Haaaa!. But will I follow through with that thought?…….Never. Ever.

“I made a commitment to God, to me, to him….and to the products of the union that I am in with this…. both in good times and bad times alike”.

“That sounds serious”….she said

“Exactly honey, marriage is a serious business…..and it’s founded on the principle of commitment. Love, friendship, children, money etc are all icings…..if you have them ….great….if not, you can still have a good marriage. This is my personal opinion by the way.

“I just don’t want problems……I like being free”

I laughed.

“Who doesn’t?…….even freedom has it’s own challenges. And Yes…..You will have problems in marriage…..get ready! I won’t promise it’s a bed of roses because Even the roses has thorns.

“What if ….what if I commit and he doesn’t?”

“In good times and bad times…..remember?”

She was quiet for some time.

“Do I have to tell him the truth about Loren?”

“Yep…..every tiny details”

“Why?” She whined.

“Ye shall know the truth…and the truth shall set ye free!”

“Oh boy…..that’s the part I don’t like”

“Ok…so Let me assume that Daven is a saint and never made any mistakes in his life, he will judge you and walk away….right?”

She smiled.

“Then you have what you want…..You are free and in that case, he made the call….

“Or he throws a tantrum like I did, but loves you enough to build a future with you…..then great…..You have built a strong trust bond by telling the truth upfront.

“You will like that won’t You? She asked smiling.

Like what?

A bond with Daven?

She nodded.

“Yes Sonye, I am ancient remember?

We laughed.

“Seriously now, I said earnestly……I will really like that, but please note, whatever dips you call on this, I won’t ever judge you”

She gave me her lovely dimpled smile.

Such a beautiful girl.

“Thank you Aunty, I am really glad I talked to you”.

“I am honored to hold your confidence pretty lady”…I bowed.

She laughed as her phone rang.


“Loren is getting into the country this weekend, she said quietly, I will have a talk with her… be honest, I was never going to go all the way with her. We were more experimental than deep dive.

I had no clue what that meant. But her talking to Loren 1st was good. It means that no matter what eventually happens with Daven, she was settling issues with Loren….I hope for good.

I felt certain that I left Sonye in a good place and in a good state of mind. She still has a lot of dips to call. And she is strong enough to make the calls.

I pray that Daven has a good head on that shoulder, that he will look beyond yesterday’s choices into the future.

Father Lord, this thing called marriage is really not easy o. You struggle to keep your sanity with your spouse and then with your children not to talk about your own personal sanity.

Grace – Lord, please give us the Grace to keep this commitment and balance the art of life.

So that the dips we call, the choices we make will not affect others negatively.

This is Your daughter and now I am checking in.

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