Olonitola Olatokunbo
Let’s do a chit chat. Just one question, let’s do some justice to it.
Just 5 points
What would you consider as critical for an emotionally balanced marriage?
- Be a complete human
Marriage is not meant to complete anybody, instead it shows if you are already complete.
You must be a complete human being. Marriage is about two complete people coming together to become one complete person.
It won’t work if you are not complete, you must find your identity. I see lots of women who think they need a man to complete them…oh what mistake. No man on earth has the power to complete anyone, we all must strive for completeness on our own
Nothing compares to a happy and joyful disposition in a spouse, it’s contagious, and it empowers. Don’t be a clingy, stalking, needy fellow…. It irritates.
- Have no unrealistic expectation
Expectations, expectations, more expectation. Lots of people get disappointed in the first few years of their marriage when they see the full package of what they ordered. Lol, quite laughable…. You hear the phrase, I didn’t bargain for this… oh life comes in full package!
Have you ever ordered something online and what you ordered is far different in beauty to what was portrayed online….then you have that slogan “what I ordered, what I got” real life has no packaging, no Photoshop, no snapchat, no Corel draw for editing it….what you see is definitely what you get.
No man or woman is going to meet all your expectations, no. There is no happily ever after, there is life after the story ends.
Get prepared for the real life and stop building castles in the air. The earlier the better though.
Unrealistic expectations doesn’t make the marriage healthy. And trust me, social media is not meant to make it easier. You must learn to separate the fake life from the real life.
- It should be about giving and not taking
Marriage should not be about what you can get from it but what you can bring into it. If everyone thinks of what they can bring, imagine how beautiful the house will be.
You thought of, let me buy some oranges into the house, and your spouse is also thinking let me buy some pineapple, at the end, you have both oranges and pineapple. But if each of them say, my spouse will buy orange or pineapple, they both come home empty handed to an empty house. That is exactly what makes a happy home.
Each one looking for how to deposit his/her own happiness into the home. That is how to build your emotional bank. Keep depositing into it for the days of withdrawals.
- It’s ok sometimes not to have it together
You don’t have to be a control freak. It’s easier to control a doll than a full grown adult. So yes, it’s very ok not to have it all together sometimes. Let it go, be free, take a joyful walk, smile often, laugh at yourself, compose song in the shower, be happy, you don’t have the worst spouse, just a wrong perspective. Perspective is everything, a little twist in how you see things and you will see the humor in it.
They wouldn’t put things in the right place, join them sometimes. They can’t remember which brush is theirs, use theirs too (lol); just let go sometimes instead of the continuous nagging, who has nagging helped? Let go and be free, this is good for sanity sake.
It’s ok… it’s truly ok not to have it together sometimes!
- The God Factor
This is my major point. There is no good marriage without God. Man didn’t make marriage, it didn’t start from your village or home town; it originated from God. So who but God should tell you how to have a successful marriage?
Marriage was meant to be a 3-man –cord with God being the 3rd man in the cord and the one that holds it together. If Christ be the foundation of your home, you have a home where the Holy Spirit is an honored guest, what a lovely and beautiful home that would be.
A home where you can pray to God to change the heart of your spouse and you can be sure they won’t resist the Holy Spirit. Where you are very sure you don’t have the devil as your father in law, because there are truly only 2 people who can be your spiritual father in law; if God is not, trust me, the devil is.
So build a solid and enviable relationship with God and read the manual he wrote about marriage (the Bible).
Yeah, I hope I made some points.
Let’s hear yours
